Sex and Sandwiches

Several years ago I was given a book about how to properly care for a husband. I'm not claiming to agree or disagree with the point the author was making, but it was pretty straight forward. She was saying that men's' needs are actually quite simple and if a wife can meet these very basic needs, then men will in turn more readily meet the rather complex needs of his wife. The opening quote of the book was written by a man and stated, "If I'm not horny, make me a sandwich." Let me summarize, men's needs are met through sex and food.

Now, here is a story that happened over a year ago, but is so great I'm going to share it with you. Chris and I were sitting on the couch and Isis was asleep in her room. I was vegging in my ugly wife pants, you know the ones with the real flowy pant legs. In an attempt to get off the couch, I jumped up rather forcefully. However my left foot got caught in my right pant leg and the impact of the jump caused my flabby post partum torso to lunge though the air which in turn caused me to land forcefully on the floor with my tangled feet following. It was very loud a bit ungraceful.

Aside from the acute wrist pain and bruised pride, I was okay. But I suddenly panicked and wanted to make sure the loud thud hadn't woken the baby. And for some very random reason I decided to pose the question to Chris, "What if I had been really hurt and woken up the baby? Who would you help first? Hurt wife or crying baby?"

Women, what I am about to tell you will probably confuse you. Men, what I am about to tell you will be a no brainer. I expected Chris to think about this question and answer thoughtfully. He responded in under a second, "None of this would have happened if you were wearing lingerie."

Wow.

And this is why my husband is a man. Because as his frumpy wife flew through the air in her over sized pants, there was supposedly a lesson in this for me? I should have been wearing lingerie? Huh? Was this sexy to him? I guess there was more truth to this book then I realized. But hey, at least I didn't have to go make him a sandwich.