The Direction of the Sea

I've mentioned before how easy it can be to have expectations for something, only to realize your very small child has much different expectations. Last year Isis stayed veeeery far away from the ocean. She pointed at the waves and insisted, "No that." She had her own ideas for the beach which pretty much involved staying safely planted in the sand, far away from those powerful crashing waves that just might carry her out to sea.

It is a year later. Isis has gone from a timid two-year old to a conquering almost-three. What a difference a year can make.

Some good friends of ours invited Isis and I to spend a few days in Hilton Head S.C. Having never been there before, I was very enthralled with the southern landscape. I would wake in the morning to the sun peeking through the Spanish moss dangling like curtains from the old oaks.

I would stand in the kitchen with coffee in my hand watching the egrets and herons gliding along with a gracefulness I've never seen. I now have a retirement plan. Chris can take his mobile home and follow his Eagles around the country, but he can drop me off here first.

Isis on the other hand, was not so scared of the ocean this year. Basically she ran. I think her body sensed a bit of freedom that it hadn't before. I stood in the surf and she sprinted circles around me and jumped on my shadow's head. We slowly trudged into the water and hopped over the waves. The air was warm and the water was colder than ice on a penguin's back. I'm pretty sure it numbed her toes immediately because she just kept pointing and saying, "Go waaaay out there." And by way out there she meant into the depths of the Atlantic. She was not a bit timid. She was ready to conquer the ocean.

I remember life before Isis but I don't remember much about how I felt. But becoming a parent somehow enables you to forget about yourself. My feelings are a reflection of hers. My pride is in her accomplishments. Sadness comes when she is upset. Smiles come when she is silly. Pangs in my stomach come when she takes those tiny steps or giant leaps in the direction I am not going.

We are soon looking at a third birthday. She tells me she is getting very big. I tell her she is getting so very big. Then I try to build castles in the sand with her, but she it too busy running the other way.