It's funny because so many people have asked me how I will be the day I send her off to kindergarten. And all along I have assured them that I will be fine and she will be fine and it isn't a big deal. What I'm now realizing is all those people who asked me are moms who have sent at least one child to kindergarten already. I'm sure in their minds they looked at me and thought sucker. And you know what, they knew exactly what would happen which was that today around 5:00 those tears started flowing and I hated kindergarten.
It was kind of like a scene out of a horror movie. No matter which way I turned there was some picture of Isis staring directly at me. I couldn't escape them. Pictures of a sleeping infant. Pictures of perfect fingers less than one day old. Pictures of feet, belly buttons, and pudgy cheeks. Pictures of her in a hay field in a white dress holding her very first baby doll. Pictures of her holding Eliza on her lap with those dark eyes that have stared at me in a million ways over five years. It's a very ironic thing sending her off to the very place I left five years ago to spend her childhood with her.
Tonight we sat at the kitchen table getting her backpack ready. She took her sweatshirt and shoved it in the bag then looked at me as if to say, Did you see what I just did? I put my shirt in this bag all by myself. I giggled. Then she zipped it and looked at me again as if to say, Did you watch me zip this thing? I know how to zip my bag. This time I laughed out loud. And with every single zip and tuck and zip and tuck she looked at me and I laughed and thought to myself, Yes I did watch you zip that zipper and that was quite possibly the best damn zippering anyone has ever done. Now tuck this in and zip it up and keep looking at me with those eyes I'm gonna miss every day.
She picked Daddy to drive her to school. I love it and think no matter who drops her off the tears will flow just the same. But we as parents have determined the importance of school and those big lessons she will learn. Like what happens when you forget your lunch money? How will you react when someone steps in front of you? Can you solve this problem without the help of a grown up? Can you cope when Mommy isn't there? Can you trust other grown ups to love you and care for you? Can you be an example to your friends? Can you appreciate the differences between you and the other sixteen kids in your class?
Her clothes are laid out and her backpack is waiting on the kitchen table. The camera is waiting to snap pictures which I told her is just a rule for Mommies with kindergarteners. I wonder how long I will stare out that window as I watch Chris' truck tote her down the road. It's a pretty small world here inside our tiny farmhouse. Now off you go, be kind big world.
2 comments:
oh my goodness. good luck! She will do great. It is so exciting to see all the things she will learn each day. But the idea of it is intense.
Can't wait to hear from Isis how it went. She can call us back, YO. Ok so when are the pictures coming? Did you let her pick out her clothes or no? Emma's getting braver and braver in her outfits which is a nice way to say, things are not matching. Geez. Do you know the teacher? Forgot to ask you that. Does bus bring her home then? I bet she sleeps well at night eh? I was calling you a sucker. I do everyday. SUCKER.
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