It has to be hard being married to an introvert...to a person whose words don't flow naturally because conversation in general can be a bit of a chore. Or everyday life can so easily overwhelm them that the energy for small compliments seems to be drained. Or for some reason they suffer the curse of not being able to say the simplest thing but give them a pen and a paper and they can write for hours. There is a term called the introverts curse. And while I understand and sympathize with them because I am one, I also sympathize with their spouse.
There are a million things I could tell you about Chris if you just gave me some quiet and a keyboard. But talk to me in person and most likely the words aren't there. If I can't say it the way that I want to, then I don't say it at all. But even though the words aren't always there to say it, the bottom line is I see things and appreciate them and pardon the cliché but I. Do. Not. Take. You. For. Granted. Ever.
I am sorry I cannot say this stuff everyday. I am sorry that our children constantly interrupt and distract me to the point of making me stop talking all together. I wish I could take the time or find the perfect words to tell you in person what you mean to me and what I appreciate about you. I am sorry you married an introvert.
But here I sit with 30 minutes of peace and a cup of coffee to tell you the things I see everyday but don't ever say....
I see you get up from the table and wash the dishes so I can relax for a little bit. I hear you talk about wanting more time for yourself. I hear you talk about the beach and fishing and not wanting to work...but when you have three hours you take your daughter out for dinner. I see you walk in the door from a crazy day at work and hug your girls when I know what you want most is to just sit in the driveway for ten more minutes. On rain days I hear you tell me to go do something for myself while you watch Eliza. You give me "Me" time when really it should be "Your" time. I see you attempt to balance your family but at the same time provide enough work for ten men who need to support their families. I see how difficult it can be to fire a single father. I see you make ghetto s'mores out of broken graham crackers, mini marshmellows, and nutella just so your girls can have a fun dessert. Three days ago I asked you to build a picnic table and now there is one sitting in our driveway. I see you run a fair, honest, ethical business and I see God bless you for it. I watch you treat construction workers with dignity and listen to you talk about their home life. I see you feed poor people in Guatemala and help provide medical care for low income families locally. I see the struggle between work and family but where is your free time? I see you play Barbies and tea party. I hear you get up at 5 a.m. and even though I don't say it, I know why you do it. When dinner time is hell I see you pour everyone a special drink just to help us all regroup. I see you work all the time so I don't have to work at all. I see you sacrifice time with your girls so I can have all the time I want with them. I see you work all day just to come home and work at night. I see you sacrifice time, hobbies, friendships, and sanity.
I usually tell myself I don't deserve you. I often wish I could be even half the spouse you are to me. In case you ever wondered, there isn't a part of you that I wish was different. I believe that God put you in my life...kind of plopped you right there before my feet hit a plane to California. I know there are probably a lot of days that you wonder what I'm thinking or what the hell is wrong with me. Sometimes I am just taking it all in. Sometimes it takes a good year for me to find the words to describe the most selfless person I know.
3 comments:
I know I get stressed and I can bitch and moan when it feels like the world is piling up on top of me. I know that sometimes I just want to say "Screw it!" and throw a beach chair, fishing gear, and a cooler of beer in my truck and head to the beach for a week...month...forever. But, at the end of everyday, I go to bed knowing that I have 2 beautiful daughters, an amazing wife, and I can honestly say that ALL the sacrifice is worth it and I wouldnt change a damn thing. Thank You.
Oh my gosh. I am crying. You guys are the best reality show with cussing that I have ever seen....or read. I married your dang introverted brother so I know what Chris is going through and he's very accurate in saying, NO, we wouldn't change a damn thing about our Detwiler spouses. Life would be so boring if we married ourselves. Chris, you are a good man. Thanks to you as a couple for never give up on each other and to staying committed even in the hard times. Beck, you should say a lot more things that you don't say.
The things you see and don't say...but oh you can write from your heart! It's a Detwiler thing...I know and understand...cuz there's nothing I would change about my Detwiler spouse either. :)
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