Booger Tales

Way back in the day I had a blue stuffed dog that I hated.  It was turquoise with a puffy dress that you could unzip and store things in. It was hideous and I was ashamed of it. I was so angry that a stuffed animal could be so ugly that I shoved it behind my bed and would not allow it in the presence of my other, much more approachable stuffed animals.  I would look at that dog in anger and think about how much I hated it.  I guess it would have been an option to take it out of my room and shove it with some other toys.  But no.  I was determined to make the dog live in misery.  And I did. With my boogers.


I don't particularly remember being a child who picked her nose.  I'm certain I never ate them if I did.  I had other plans for those little suckers.  And that plan's name was Booger Dog.  At night I would pick my nose and retrieve Booger Dog from her dark dungeon and wipe boogers on her dress.  Then I would stare at her in disgust for a very long time and shove her back into punishment.  Thirty years later, I am not proud of this.  Nor was I proud the day my brother found Booger Dog.  Thank you dear brother, for rekindling those memories as often as you do.


Fast forward to present.  I am sitting on the couch with Eliza reading her naptime story. She is picking her nose and she scores a booger.  I tell her I am going to wipe it with a tissue.  She immediately says, I want to go straight to bed.  I was confused.  Did she suddenly get overly tired and decide the story wasn't worth it?  Eliza, I said, Let Mommy wipe that booger off your finger first. Then you can go to bed. She met me with strong determination to keep that booger on her finger.  Are you trying to take the booger to bed with you? I asked.  Yes, she replied, I need to put it in my ladybug.


I panicked.  I immediately realized that my sweet, beautiful little girl had a Booger Bug. Only her story is a little different.  Her ladybug is actually a stuffed night light that projects stars onto her ceiling.  The shell is full of tiny little holes for the light to pass through.  And Eliza has been shoving her boogers into them one by one.


Several weeks passed since the initial Booger Bug incident.  I had hoped that the whole thing was a fluke and maybe just a fleeting thought she had one day.  But no.  Just last week I caught her again with a booger sticking on her finger.  I told her to get a tissue. No, she said, I have to put it in my ladybug.


Booger Bug is cute.  She is soft and calming and Eliza keeps her close by at night. I can hardly believe that she is the animal Eliza has chosen to put to shame.  I think as parents we tuck our kids in at night and envision their sweet little eyes closing with soft covers pulled up to their chins.  I think we are suckers. I'm just not sure I want to know the truth.



Yep, it's that freakin' hilarious.