Unless You Are Puking...

Around 5:00 this morning,  I realized my night was done.  Chris had already been kicked out of bed by Isis, who was now beginning to do the "thrash"... her hour long wake up routine of kicking, turning, and dreaming.  Given a goods nights sleep, I wouldn't consider 5 a.m. a bad start.  But considering the fact that I had already had one middle of the night encounter with Isis and at least two with Eliza, I did not rise and shine. As a matter of fact my husband told me this morning that I should consider a shower because my hair looked like it hurt. Thank you Dear.  But let's be honest.

By about 6:15 everyone was awake and grumpily demanding breakfast and additionally demanding that no one look at them or talk to them or copy them. Listen to me girls, I said very firmly all the while knowing I  had no idea what I was gonna say next. From now on here are the rules.  Listen to me very carefully (spoken slowly and deliberately for effect).  You may NOT come into Mommy and Daddy's room in the middle of the night unless you have wet the bed, are puking, or the house is on fire. I thought this sounded pretty fair and made my point quite well.  But what if we are bleeding? asked Night Creeper #1?  It's a good question because people do have a tendency to spontaneously bleed in their sleep. Fine, I said. You may come into my room if you are bleeding. More thoughtful contemplation by Night Creeper #2. Or if we poop our pants? I confirmed it best that children not continue to lay in soiled clothes all night long.  I could tell they were enjoying this and apparently had not sensed the urgency in my tone.  So I tried again.

OK, here's the deal.  If you have to go potty, just go potty.  Don't come tell Mommy and Daddy that you are going potty.  Just go and then go back to bed.  Do not ask Mommy and Daddy to take you back to bed because we won't.  If you need a drink of water, get it.  If you had a bad dream, do not come tell me about.  Say your own prayer and ask God to be with you and make you feel better.  Do not come ask Mommy and Daddy what time the thunder storm might start.  Do not come in an hour later and ask again because we are not weather predictors in general, but especially not so in the middle of the night.

Maybe this sounds a bit unreasonable.  But something happened in the last week where every hour or two at least one or two or three and even all four of us are awake at night for anywhere from 10 minutes to 1.5 hours.  It's not good.  For anyone.  As a matter of fact Eliza has been so cranky from all her middle of the night weather inquiries that in utter desperation I purposely overdressed her this afternoon in hopes that the heat would put her to sleep and keep her there. That's right, I baked my child. 

All I'm saying is this.  Two months ago I saw the light at the end of the tunnel.  After years of parenting, we finally had two kids who were sleeping through the night, without diapers, and very minimal bed wettings.  Then enter this week and somehow we slipped back into the tunnel and I saw the light fading away and I panicked.  Bedtime is serious business around here.  Go to bed. Stay there.  And if you must get out, please don't involve me...unless of course you are puking.