A Week in the Life...

So the following things happened this week (in no particular order)

* A few weeks ago I purchased a brand new set of sheets. Then my eldest daughter launched a stuff sack sleeping bag at my head.  At the time my head was drinking coffee.  My new sheets are now a lovely shade of brown.  What a lovely way to say thank you for coming to my sleepover with 20 other girls in the church basement and not sleeping ever.

* My youngest child complained of a sore knee.  When I looked, she had two gashes.  I asked her if something bumped her knee.  She said yes, then pointed to her own teeth.

*I played Twister with my children.  Eliza took it one step further by impersonating a blind Elton John doing a right hand blue.

*Isis came home and informed us that we do too many drugs.  Thanks to her guidance teacher, wine, beer, and coffee are all drugs.  Unfortunately, the teacher forgot to use the term in moderation.  We are now accused of using drugs every time we drink something other than water.  To take it a step further, she created a chart with our names and all the drugs we use.  Every time we use, we get a tally.  According to her documentation, we are addicts.

*Eliza emerged from her room in underwear and snowpants....accompanied by a giant birthday cupcake hat...accompanied by a flute.

*On Sunday we visited my parents church.  In utter sleep deprivation and honey badgerness, Eliza launched a marker through the air, two rows back.  I took her to the bathroom for the spank she had been warned about.  Unfortunately, other ladies were in the bathroom as well.  Not wanting to cause a scene, I pulled down her pants, flushed the toilet for noise, then spanked.  I like to call it the "Flush and Spank."

*In continued sleep deprivation, Eliza announced she was done with her raisins in the grocery store.  She said, "I'm done."  Then she dumped the remaining contents of the box through the grocery cart onto the floor...in the checkout line.

*In a not so wise parenting moment, I chose to go to another grocery store.  Eliza asked to hold the list.  Then she crossed off half of the groceries I hadn't gotten.

*Upon exiting the second grocery store, she tweaked my right nipple with absolutely no warning.  Luckily only one man in a pick up truck appeared to notice.

*In continued sleep deprivation and down-right naughtiness, Eliza stood on the back porch and saturated herself with her water bottle.  When she was just too wet, she stripped her clothes off and saturated her naked self with her water bottle.

*Eliza emerged from my parents playroom donning my 11th grade prom dress, a pair of heals about 7 sizes too big, a bag of arrows around her waist, and a bow that she shot with determined precision.

That's right, just a week in the life of a parent.