Just When You Think You Know A Person

A few days ago Isis and I were having lunch at her favorite restaurant. She quickly made friends with two older couples sitting nearby. They were rather smitten with her and began asking her about her new brother or sister. I informed them the baby would be arriving in about five weeks. One of the old, wise gentlemen winked at me and said, "Now you'll really know what it means to be married."


I couldn't help but agree with him instantly. I think of who Chris and I were before we were parents. You could say we've changed a bit. Isis has changed us. But learning to co-parent has also changed us. I often think of expectant parents and how they think the baby will change their lives. And it will. But what I think changes them even more is the energy, strength, endurance, patience, and communication that is consistently challenged by the un-rhythm of babies and toddlers.


When Chris and I got married almost seven years ago, we were pretty sure we knew each other pretty well. Then we moved in together. And what I didn't know about him is that he cannot rinse a dish when he is finished. Nor can he rinse out the sink. He cannot take a shower without saturating the bathroom and he needs three spaces for clothes...clean ones, dirty ones, and a half-way basket for those that are too dirty to put back in the drawer but are too clean to put in the hamper.


And I guess there were a few surprises waiting for him as well. Little did he know I leave both dishes and clothes strewn about the living room. I don't empty the coffee filter nor do I really ever make the coffee. I will clean up after myself but it might be a day or five. I do not like to communicate prior to 7:00 am.

But the test of time has proven strong thus far and we have learned to overlook those little things we really never knew about one another. Sometimes we ignore them. Other times we leave gentle reminders. Every once in a while we are blunt and loud.

And just when you think you finally know each other, enter children. Note to reader, we are not the people we once were. And as much as our three year old darling challenges us to raise her halfway decently, what I think is most challenged is our relationship with one another. Not necessarily for worse. Actually when I look back at the past three years, I think we've grown a lot despite lack of sleep, differing discipline views, and general wondering of what the hell is going on.


In five weeks we will be adding to the already chaotic mess of parenthood and marriage. I genuinely cannot fathom what is about to happen to us. Me and Chris. We will be challenged. And maybe in five years we will look back and see how far we have come and recognize how much our love for one another has grown. But I don't want to wait that long. So to my dear husband who I thought I knew, here are a few things I have learned about you in seven years of marriage and three years of parenting...


You are a relentless worker and for that...I admire you.

You are an EVER PRESENT father to Isis and for that...I absolutely adore you.

You are a devoted son and for that...I respect you.

You are my voice of reason and for that...I need you.

You have endless energy and stamina and for that...I tire watching you.

You love baseball more than I love most things and for that...I envy you.

You are strong and for that ...I am unceasingly amazed.

You continue to love me and for that...I am humbled.


There was a time I thought I knew you. I knew very little. I'm looking forward to the upcoming challenges of another child and a few more years of chaos. We will grow and laugh and cry and yell together. But in the end, I will know you a little better and love you that much more.