Us Time

Last week Chris and I took our first little get away since Eliza Kate was born. My mother had called a few months ago explaining that she would like to come watch our children so we could go away. I yelled "yes" at her right away and packed my bags. Then I sat for two months and waited for her to come.

I had always heard very nice things about the city of Asheville, N.C. It's kind of been on my bucket list these past few years.We had been told of fine artwork, food, music, and microbrews. So we made reservations at a downtown hotel and trekked the five hours through Virginia, Tennessee, and into the Great Smokey Mountains of North Carolina.

As we climbed into the car and waved good-bye to our sweet dears and brave Grammy, item number one on the agenda was to ever so nicely remove the Wiggles cd from the stereo and tuck it ever so gently away. It would be such a shame for anything to happen to this precious, precious cd that permanently resides in our cd player. Yes, the wheels on the bus do go round and round. And indeed, the farmer is in the dell. But shit, damn, hell sometimes I just need to hear grown up words and songs.

We've begun to get into the groove of being a family of four. Chris knows when not to approach any one of his overly hungry three girls. I know just how important poker nights and day fishing trips are for the solo male of the house. Isis is becoming more and more interested in Eliza's accomplishments and just wants to play with her. Eliza just gets poked, prodded, pulled and tickled and doesn't seem to care if she naps or not and is so content not to have an agenda.

I can tell you who Chris and I are as individuals. And I can tell you who we are as parents. But what I think tends to get lost in all things family, is who we are as a couple...us two...why we are together...what works between us...why we like each other usually...how we communicate...all those things that brought us together then got overlooked once kids were born. It is interesting how you start out as two and then become four and the initial two get lost somewhere and overshadowed by the latter two but the latter two wouldn't exist if it weren't for the initial two. And as hard as it may be for a mother to leave her two children, I know it is necessary for our marriage for some us time. And I like it too. When we returned from the trip a friend asked me if I thought I liked Chris and I told her I think I did.

I was looking forward to a lot of things as I anticipated our time away. Mostly good food and music. The thought of having the time to actually look at an entire menu before ordering was especially intriguing...until we got to our first restaurant and found the soup of the day to be parsnip strawberry beet soup. As much as I love innovative food, some things should never be fused.

I think my main goal on this trip was to spend three days reconnecting with my husband. We would laugh and talk and catch up on everything our three year old has been interrupting us about over the past year. It would be deep and meaningful and we would come home reconnected and filled. We went to Asheville and stared at each other.

So often we found ourselves with little to say. We sat in silence. I think my brain, which is usually twelve steps ahead of the game, took a crap. It needed to. I would say that one third of child raising is physical energy, the rest is mental. And the fact that I didn't need to be thinking about what time to leave the house if we need to be at point A in one hour but items 1-3 could potentially go wrong in the last half hour and how to eliminate these or better yet how to deal with them when we are actually en route and my brain is mush. Only it isn't, because I am on vacation and don't have to think and therefore am speechless.

It might appear as if our trip was a bit of a disappointment as far as reconnecting. I say it wasn't. It was just less of a reflection of who were and more of a reflection of who we are. Where there once was enlightening conversation, there is now silence. But it is comfortable. Very comfortable. And a little nice. It is good to shut up sometimes. And I must admit that in my mind, there is more closeness in comfortable silence than in petty conversation.