Things are Not Always as They Seem

...at least they weren't what we thought when we arrived at Nehalem Bay Oregon. Prior to arriving to the Jetty Fishing Marina off the Pacific Coast, we were told a story that went something like this...If you would like to eat dungeoness crabs you should go to this marina. You can fish off the dock and catch your own live crabs. You are guaranteed to catch something. Then a nice gentlemen will steam them for you while you wait on the dock and bask in the beauty of the sunset.

Well let me tell you something. When we arrived at the Jetty Fishing Marina, this is not what happened at all. When we inquired about catching our own crabs, the very nice lady behind the counter informed us that surely we would not be fishing from the dock. Instead we would be casting buoys into the bay from a boat and pulling them in ourselves. This sounded fun until she failed to mention that there is no guide on said tour. So we inquired again. She reassured us that no one was coming with us.

It was now five o'clock in the evening and we were tired and hungry. But if we wanted to catch live crabs, this was the only way. She went through a very detailed explanation using words like "cast" and "tide" and "current" and "opposite way" and "driver" and "taught" and "pinch." I'm pretty sure the three of us stood there praying the other two were listening cause it really didn't make much sense to me. So we did the only logical thing and got on the boat.

Now. Let's talk about June. I think in her mind as well, she had visions of crabbing off the dock in a nice little haven of safety. But when the words "boat" and "life jackets" were used, she got a little nervous. This was news to me but I guess it all makes sense seeing as how she lives in Indiana and I"m pretty sure they don't really have water there so she's probably never really seen it before. I was pretty sure she wasn't gonna be much help.

Of course Kar, the adventurous one, took the task on whole heartedly. She had it all in her head and if she didn't it didn't matter cause we had a boat and she was gonna drive us somewhere in it. She assured us that this was very similar to the show Deadliest Catch and that made us all feel very bad ass.
So having set the scene for you, let me tell you about a specific event which transpired. After crabbing for about an hour, we developed a routine. We would lay the crab rings in a single line. Upon casting the final one, we would then return to the first ring to pull in the crabs. Kar was the driver cause she always picks the funnest job. I was the initial puller. Upon seizing the buoy into the boat, Kar would punch it and steer the boat against the current. I would pull as hard and fast as I could to keep all crabs intact in the net. As the ring approached the boat, June would pull the load in. A little scary I thought for someone who is afraid of water. But let me tell you about my new hero.

One particular haul comes to mind. We had developed a method and were actually becoming half efficient at this sport we thought we knew something about. Maybe we were Deadliest Catch. So the stage was set. I was propped hanging out the front of the boat. Kar was prepared to bring it to top speed. But as I hauled the rope in, it kind of stopped. It was too heavy. It was FULL of crabs. Too many for me to pull in by myself. So June, the scaredy cat, launched herself to the back of the boat. Launched. All I heard was Kar screaming, "June stay in the boat! Stay in the boat!" Why? Because June was halfway in the water trying to pick up the ring with her hands. So in an attempt to ensure that June didn't go overboard, Kar grabbed her waist and threw, yes, threw June back into the boat. But lo and behold, June had seized the ring AND kept it taught AND somehow threw close to 20 crabs into the boat. At which point, not one, not two, but yes, all three of us peed directly into our pants in sheer laughter. Crabs started scattering, pincers were raised, and June, once again my hero, started slinging crabs out of the boat. This was not the crabbing expedition we had been promised. This was better.

So, after about two hours of hauling crabs, developing rope burn, and keeping our toes off the boat bottom, we brought our ship back to port. We had caught one single crab that we could legally keep. One. Until we got to shore and were informed that even that guy was too small. We pleaded with the chef to please cook this crab because despite our Deadliest Catch efforts, this was all we brought home. He reminded us that cooking a crab illegally would cost roughly $300. So with heads down and spirits crushed and soiled pants, we dumped him back into the bay.

Howeeeeever, we were able to go ahead and purchase some fresh steamed crabs for a not so small price. After waiting for about 15 minutes we were called over to the steamer and told we would need to eat the crab heart first. The gentlemen then took a crab claw, pierced the ever so small crab heart in a rather barbaric way, and handed it to us to devour. This whole stop was just getting stranger and stranger until we were handed our crabs on a tray to eat. No utensil. No claw crackers. When we asked how to get to the crab meat, we were shown very carefully how to bite the crab legs open with our teeth. It was then I realized that we were no where close to being in Kansas anymore.

And so, now three hours later, in soaked pants with blistered hands and an empty stomach, we sat and had our crabs. Or should I say gnawed our crabs. We listened to local fisherman talk until we were sure we didn't want to hear any more of what they said. As the sun started to set we threw our crab carcasses back into the bay water and escaped back into our rental car to take us back home. Nothing was as it was supposed to have been. And that I believe is what made this quite possibly the funnest and weirdest single event of my life.