I'm Out

The ticket has been ordered. There is a rental car waiting for me. The suitcase is waiting to be packed. There are lists and lists and lists left here for Chris. Play dates have been arranged. Groceries have been gotten. Clothes are clean. Extra wipes and diapers have been purchased. Over 165 ounces of breast milk are waiting for Eliza Kate in the freezer. Schedules have been documented. Story times and parks have been written down. Eight special little treat bags are waiting to be opened by Isis...eight. That is one for each day Mommy will be gone.

It is a little tough to swallow that I am leaving my entire family behind. Chris thought I seemed a little worried about it. I asked him if he gets worried when he leaves his company for a week in the hands of someone else. He understood. I am leaving my job, which happens to be my family, which happens to be my life.

Am I sad? Just as sad as I am ready. Initially the plan was for Chris to take this trip with me. But due to plans for childcare, he needed to stay home. I did not want to go to Portland by myself to be in a wedding with people I do not know. That is an introverts hell. So I did the only thing I could think of, which at the time I was sure was a long shot. I called my two best friends to see if they wanted to come. I knew they would say no. It's too long. It's too expensive. It's too far away. They said yes and I crapped myself. They even suggested we stay for an entire week. Apparently they needed this vacation as much as I do.

Being a mom is hard work and you pretty much sacrifice everything for your children. Your looks. Your clothes. Your social life. Your time. At least once a day you sacrifice your sanity. You no longer get to order what you want at the restaurant because A...it takes too long to eat. Or B....you can't eat it with one hand. Then you leave the table all together because you need to breastfeed in the bathroom because the guy in the booth next to you doesn't seem like he would appreciate watching you nurse. Or worse, he would enjoy watching you nurse. Gross. Why did we even come to this restaurant?

Of course, all those sacrifices are worth it because the next day you find Eliza sitting up her in crib when you go to get her. You watch Isis swerve through obstacles on her bike and are amazed by her agility. You listen to Eliza babble, "Daaaaaadadada" and then let her smear bananas all over her face. You answer Isis' questions about God and heaven and hear her talk about how one day she will play with her Pop-Pop who is in heaven. These children are growing beautifully and bless me every day and as much as they drive me crazy, they stretch my heart like nothing else.

Sometimes I think it's not fair that I get to go on vacation with my best friends while Chris and Grandmom hold down the fort. Then I remember that I've been sacrificing for four years now and that it's my turn for something special. So I am going to the west coast. I will watch my other best friend get married. I will go where I want when I want and I will eat what I want. I will hike the trails in Oregon and bask in the beauty of Mt. Hood. I will drive the coastal highway. I will drink microbrews and sometimes maybe too many but that is ok because I am only human after all. I deserve this. I'm doing something for myself. I'm out.