Dessert...Before Supper

So after five years of having the world's pickiest eater for a daughter, we are attempting a new feeding philosophy for Isis. You might think a lot of kids are very particular about food, but please come meet my child.  Sit down to supper with us.  Watch her cry, panic, leave the table, and negotiate dessert for the duration of the meal. Listen to her ask exactly how many bites of this disgusting food she has to eat if she wants dessert.  Watch as horror washes over her sweet face when her sister gets dessert but she doesn't.  Allow her to tell you very very sweetly, Mommy please don't ever make this again. You might think I am attempting to serve her sushi and brussel sprouts.  Right now I would be happy if she would eat a piece of raw fruit.  Dinner is supposed to be a happy family time.  I found myself wanting to skip the meal as well and hit the wine instead.

Earlier this week Isis ate her bowl of dry cereal and O.J. for breakfast.  She came into the kitchen and informed me that she was still hungry.  Eliza was sitting in her high chair eating some breakfast of champions that included kiwi.  I asked Isis if she would like some yogurt and she agreed.  I told her to hop up to the table and I would get her some.  Tears and crying ensued followed by the words, I can't sit there and watch Eliza eat that disgusting kiwi and eat my yogurt. Yes folks, this is resistance at it's best.  Not only does most food send her into a panic, but also the sight of other people eating.

I like to think we have been patient yet consistent with our food views with her.  We have refused to be short order cooks and have continued to offer her healthy options that don't freak the shit out of her.  We have sat in amazement through supper as she used not two not three but four forks in an attempt not to mix dirty utensils with new foods.  I don't know which particular episode triggered this, but one night I googled, My five year old won't eat anything.

The philosophy I found was a little radical, yet seemed to make sense in my mind. And after five years of our non-working non-proven philosophy, we were desperate for something new.  The key here is no pressure. And these are the rules...disclaimer: all old school folks who believe in cleaning your plate and force feeding vegetables, please stop reading right now. 

-Mom and Dad choose what to serve for dinner
-Children choose what to eat, how much to eat, and refusing to eat at all is an option
-Children use manners and participate in dinner conversation.  No thank you is acceptable.  Mommy please never make this again is not.
-Serve all foods family style in a serving dish
-Allow children to help themselves to any options, as much as they want.  Choosing to eat 5 slices of bread and nothing else is acceptable.
-Teach your child hunger cues by allowing them to stop when they are satisfied.  Do not encourage them to finish something on their plate or offer a reward for a clean plate.
-Allow children to put food on the plate without eating it.
-Do not offer dessert as a reward. It is acceptable to put dessert on the table with the meal and allow child to eat this first (one portion only)  Therefore the desire for sweets is satisfied but their tummy is still hungry.  Now what?  Hmmmmm, eat healthy options.
-Do not forbid sweets throughout the day.  Offering dessert as an after school snack is a good option.
-Every once in a while, bake a plate of cookies and and let your child have at it.  They will stop when they are full because you have allowed them to identify their own hunger cues.
-Avoid bringing too much attention to foods.  Don't make dinner about food, but rather conversation and manners.
-BE PATIENT. Many children need to be offered something or observe something over 20 times before trying it. Or in our case approximately 3,586,586 times.
-Remember to include meals that your child enjoys.  Remember to include meals other people like.  Sometimes your child wins, sometimes someone else wins.

Okay, so we are about three weeks into this with Isis and I have to say dinner has changed quite a bit.  I won't say she is eating new and adventurous food but I will say there is a ton less negotiating and panicking and tears and leaving the table.  Not every time, but baby steps.  There have been nights where her supper consisted of apple slices. Many of them. There have been nights of her happily excusing herself to go play.

And while Isis is slowly, slowly, slower than a dry snail learning that food will not hurt us, Eliza is sitting in her high chair shoveling spoonfuls of guacamole and spinach & artichoke hummus into her mouth.  And the only thing she is refusing, is the chip to dip with.