Eliza Don't Care

Shortly after we brought Eliza home from the hospital, she acquired the name Sweet Pea.  It was quite fitting seeing as how she was both sweet and tiny.  While that name has stuck with her, she has also earned a few nicknames such as Lunch Head and Wild Child. Notice how I said she earned those names...mostly for her ability to smear an entire supper into her hair and for her ability to do whatever she feels like. Eliza is approaching two...the terrible twos...and Chris looked at me the other day and stated, "She's the honey badger."

Now for those of you who have seen the infamous honey badger video on Youtube, you know precisely what kind of a creature we are talking about.  Now picture my two year old.  She just don't care. If you haven't seen the honey badger video but want to, I would say to proceed with extreme caution.  If the f-word, a-word, s-word, or the b-word offend you, please don't go there. Just read on and I will do my best to make a connection for you.

Basically...the honey badger is a fairly resilient creature who does what it wants when it wants and just don't care. They are immune to the stings of hives of bees and can quickly recover from a venomous cobra bite.  They are what you might call, unstoppable or seldom phased by anything.

And that is Eliza for you as well.  Not much stops her, hurts her, or phases her. Yup, Eliza just don't care.  You can give her something or take something away.  She don't care.  You can praise her or punish her and correct, she don't care. She will stay or she will go and she don't give a shit.  Falls? She is resilience at is best.

Now you might think this is just an easygoing child.  Yes, that she is.  But it gets complicated when she is naughty and you attempt to punish her and she just calmly sits in time out until she decides she's done and she wanders out so you put her back in and she's cool with that until she decides she's done and wanders back out again so you put her back again and she's cool with that and good grief at what point is this child going to care?

Scenario #1 in which the honey badger has decided she is done with her supper...
There are three acceptable ways for a child in our household to inform us they are done with supper.  If you are in kindergarten, you may 1. ask to be excused.  If you are two, you may 2. say all done or 3. gently push your plate away.  However if you happen to be of the honey badger species, you may shovel spoonfuls of yogurt into your mouth.  Leave it there for several seconds until it mixes nicely with your saliva. Slowly open your mouth and let it slide down your chin onto your plate.  When mother badger turns to get a rag, quickly pound some milk and then throw your spoon directly at the kitchen wall because you do what you want.  As mother badger bends down to get the spoon, spew your milk violently, yes violently, all over your tray.  You may go to time out but who cares? 

Scenario #2 in which you can't catch the honey badger...
Eliza takes a music class at a nearby college.  The class is held in a giant auditorium directly in front of the stage. The teacher is amazing at keeping the toddlers interested and engaged.  Unfortunately the teacher has never had a honey badger in her class before.  Because while the other children are nicely marching in a circle waving their colorful scarves, the honey badger makes a quick get away up the main aisle of the auditorium.  Now mother badger knows to approach slowly and attempts to trick the honey badger.  While the honey badger runs like mad through the long benches, mother badger attempts to cut her off.  She is stealthy and executes the sneak attack.  But the honey badger is much too fast and mostly don't care and tears off in the opposite direction. Mother badger is defeated and is left watching tiny pony tails bobbing up and down as the mad honey badger wins again.  Eliza just don't care.

Now what is most intriguing about our own honey badger is how much she loves to hug.  She's actually very good at it.  She will run to you and say huck and throw her arms around you and squeeze. It's very sweet and quite possibly a tactic for honey badger children to make their parents keep loving them. Sometimes she will just walk up to you and huck you then go play.  Occasionally she will spy a friend's picture on the computer and attempt to huck the screen.  Last week we saw her friend Luke at a festival and they hucked for five minutes straight.

Why is it that in all of the self-help and parenting books, there are absolutely no instructions on how to raise a naughty, affectionate honey badger?

A few nights ago Eliza climbed up on our bed to say good night to Daddy.  She was in her cuddly feet pjs.  She loves to say night-night probably because she loves to give hucks.  Chris picked her up and squeezed her and said, I love you soooo much, you're such a good girl. Then he stopped and thought. Then did a re-take, Well maybe not a good girl, but at least you're cute. And the tired honey badger squeezed her Daddy right back.  Awwwwww, maybe Eliza do care.