When Mom's Down

I'm pretty sure it's common knowledge that when Mommy is sick, everybody suffers.  Even when Daddy goes above and beyond his call and becomes business owner, father, mother, cook, shopper, mediator, transporter, launderer, bather, and gardener, things still seem to run a little less smoothly.  Not because of anything Daddy is doing wrong, but because things are just different which doesn't always compute in the mind of a two year old and a very strong willed six year old.

I'm typically on top of my game.  Although I admit I tire easily and don't take on more than one task every two weeks, I like to think I have my shit together.  My children are clean and fed.  Lunches are packed and school projects are attended to.  The check book is balanced. Clothes are clean. Dinner is served. The car has gas.  The liquor supply is stocked. Ooops.  Did I just say that out loud?

But let me tell you about the last two and a half weeks.  At this point, we still haven't really figured out what is wrong with me.  I'm not even sure that all my symptoms are part of the same sickness or if I have battled five different diseases consecutively.  A trip to the doctor yesterday sent him scratching his head.  But let's just say I think I have had headaches, earaches, depression,  body aches, sinus aches, lethargy, malaise, lost the ability to feel hunger, lower back pain, abdominal pain, sore eyes, constipation, one bout of diarrhea, aching teeth, and pain inside my bones that I have never felt before.  No sore throat. No puking. No fever.  Those things would make the diagnosis easy.  Right now I am in the middle of an antibiotic for tick-borne illnesses even though my Lyme test came back negative.

And do you know what happens when all this happens?  I lose my mind is what happens.  And when doctors can't seem to pinpoint what the problem is then I take it upon myself to diagnose these symptoms.  And know what happens when you start self diagnosing?  You get anus cancer.  Yep.  Google something along the lines of lower back pain pressure and sore legs and you just might discover anus cancer.  Other diseases I qualify for include...irritable bowel syndrome, allergies, sinusitis, fibromyalgia, colitis, hemorrhoids. celiac disease, appendicitis, TMJ, and of course Lyme.  I'm telling you this because I admit that two weeks on the couch has enabled me to lose both my mind and my sense of humor.  But I've alerted the doctor that when no one tells me whats wrong I have a tendency to self diagnose.  Maybe if he would just move things along a little faster, say at my pace, then we wouldn't have these problems.  I'm glad I shared that with him.  Maybe he can add crazy to my list of symptoms.

So needless to say a few things have failed to happen around here.  Number one...Eliza ran out of clean underwear. So we put her back in pull-ups.  Then apparently those ran out.  So we put her back in diapers.  Reverting is good for an almost potty trained toddler who's already confused by Mommy's inability to move.  Eliza's vocabulary now consists of Mommy can you walk?  and Mommy can you play with me?  I can bring the toys up on the couch.   Number two...I double checked our bank account this week to find the balance of $0.00.  Do you think I've stopped spending money?  No.  The answer is no. It's amazing how much you can continue to buy before the bank realizes you don't have any money in that particular account.  Number three...Isis informed me the other day that she bought breakfast in the school cafeteria.  I. flipped. out.  Mostly because we have a rule that she may buy from school one time per week.  When I asked her why she said because it smelled so good and her tummy was so hungry she just couldn't take it anymore.  Them's piercing words to a Mommy's heart.  I cried.  And why was her tummy hungry? Because Mom-of-the-Year had decided that half a bowl of dry cereal should hold her over just fine for the next five hours.

So there you have it.  I kind of just needed to get all that off my chest.  That I've been a self diagnosing sick sack of worthlessness who starved my dirty children and emptied our bank account.  Now if that ain't rock bottom I don't know what is.  But I somehow feel better putting it out there.  Perhaps my sense of humor is resurfacing.  Perhaps my anus cancer is cured.