10 Things I Learned in Mexico

1. A cab ride will cost you either 20 pesos or 40 pesos. Distance doesn't seem to be a factor.  You can go to and from the same location and be charged two different amounts. Mexico is apparently spontaneous.

2. When you buy a coconut from a street vendor he will advise you to return the coconut when the milk is gone.  He will promise to cut the coconut open so you can eat the fruit which is good for the "hoochy coochy." Yep, you read that right. In addition, local fisherman will inform you that fish ceviche (cold salsa) is Mexican Viagra. 

3. When attempting to communicate in Spanish, if you are in doubt, it is best to say nothing.  For example, if the maid is cleaning your room and you need to use the bathroom, do not say Vamos el bano.  Because clearly you have just invited the maid into the bathroom with you.  I am happy to report Chris did not execute this thought.

 



4. When you ask for quatro aguas, the waiter will reply, And four margaritas?  When you insist, No just four waters, he will reply, And four margaritas.



5. While shopping in local craft markets the term No gracias is usually met with the phrase Tequila?

 



6.  It is not uncommon to happen upon a friendly soccer game in the middle of an intersection.  It is however uncommon for a white woman to decide to crash the soccer game with her mad skills and upset the Mexican ball handler.  And while the Mexican is in no way amused by the American's shenanigans, the street crowd is quite impressed.  Mad props, Alyssa.  I am still in awe of you.

 



7. If you find a skirt that you like and ask for a dressing room to try it on, the vendor will be happy to assist you.  And by "happy to assist you" I mean she will kindly walk you to the back of the store and then turn off the lights.



8. The Spanish word for shrimp is cameron. The Spanish word for waiter is camarero.  It is best not to confuse the two.  For example, do not summon your rather large server by yelling "Cameron!"

 





9. If you show interest in a particular piece of jewelry, be prepared to barter.  And by "barter" I mean, be prepared to take shots of Tequila.  If their price is too high, they will offer you Tequila.  You will take it and offer a new price which is still much too low.  Perhaps another shot will help you think more wisely about your offer?  And so on and so on until a half hour later everyone is quite happy about the settled upon price. One bracelet and eight shots later, you can't help but feel that for the amount spent, you came out on top.  But then again, Tequila just makes you feel that way so maybe the joke is really on you.  Either way, by the end of it all the vendor is speaking happily in broken English while the patrons are responding with random words and noises in Spanish or just English words in a Spanish accent and what exactly is happening?  Nobody knows but it sure is funny.

 



10.  When ordering from a Spanish menu, if you are unsure of something, please ask your non-English speaking waiter.  He will happily assist you by redirecting your attention to a sign which is also in Spanish.  He will explain it to you in Spanish as well.  Now that everything is clear and you have ordered a mystery supper, be sure to ask for margaritas and cervezas.  When the drinks are returned, the kind Cameron will set them on the table and happily announce, "Whiskey!"  Eh.  Beer. Margaritas.  Clearly it's all just whiskey.  Then prepare yourself for the most authentic, delicious Mexican food you have ever eaten.