Saturday night I fell asleep at 8:00 p.m. and woke up the next morning around 8:20 a.m. That's a solid twelve hours of slumber. One might think I awoke revived, smiling and ready to conquer the day. Instead my head pounded, my shoulders ached, and I felt like I could have slept for twelve more.
Yes friends, I'd like to share a little insight into the world of being glutened. Because it's one thing to follow a GF diet but it's another thing to accidentally ingest the very thing you spend your entire being trying to avoid. And sometimes you just can't. It has its ways of creeping into your food...through deep fryers, ice cream scoops, small children prancing around with floured hands. It's awesome when life says you can't eat this EVER and your life will forever be a big fat inconvenience...oh and by the way sometimes the forbidden will find it's way into your system and rock you for a few days. It's gonna suck. Best of luck. Brace yourself.
Following the not so phenomenal awakening was a day of irritability and senseless crying brought on by a bunch of nothing. Chris and the girls had made plans for the morning and I couldn't bring myself to join them. I needed quiet. At this point I didn't realize what had happened. I just thought I had a long night. But then the tears came. The pointless ones. The ones that are triggered by nothing and unexplainable. The gluten tears. Yup, just some crying. It was then I realized what was happening.
When my family returned from their fun expedition everyone drove me crazy in a matter of two seconds. What in the world were my children doing? Why was Chris dealing with them like he was? Why weren't they in bed yet? Obviously everyone needed a nap including me. Absolutely. Everything. Was. Wrong. And. Everyone. Drove. Me. Crazy. My body wanted to explode. Irritated and irrational. Completely irrational. Not even close to not being irrational. Sometimes it feels like a bad trip and I have to remind myself it's the gluten and it's gonna be over eventually.
Around hour seven the G.I symptoms kicked in. Sometimes you just need someone who understands. So I messaged a dear friend of mine who has celiac disease. It's like my butt and my guts have different ideas of what should be going on, I told her. You need to poop...says my guts. But I won't let you...answers my butt. You need to poop...says my guts. You heard me...says my butt. Then my abdominal muscles chime in with some labor-like contractions and certainly no one invited them.
I think by 8:00 last night Chris was done with me and beside himself. May the good Lord bless him and keep him and stream eternal Eagles games for him in heaven. He looked at my mean, pathetic self and asked if I wanted my shoulders rubbed. Of course I did. There is nothing I wanted more than to have my shoulders rubbed. So I yelled at him. I told him he didn't want to rub my shoulders because he complains every other time I want him to rub my pains. He looked confused. I was too. Something needed to happen. I did the only thing I knew how to do which was escape. I needed to free myself but also my family. So I laid my little psycho head down and slept it off...like a hangover...only without the crazy party. Just a deep fried taco.
1 comment:
Oh sweet Jesus. Why does this happen to you? It sounds absolutely awful. Awful I say. Can't you just take something to make yourself sleep? Or let Chris punch you to knock you out? I would probably secretly slip a little Ambien in your drink. No one should be awake during that kind of pain. Which would you rather - intense 24 hour pain or non stop chronic not so intense pain? Hmmmm, these "would you rather" real life games make me cry. Nobody signs up for this - not you, not me, and definitely not our spouses and kids. Sorry guys. I have never tried to explain the pain and I am amazed at how well you did that. Isn't there some sort of Gluten magazine you could write for? I'd subscribe even though gluten is pretty much a staple now for me. Love you buddy. Hang in there.
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